The Toddler Years

Looking back I dont know how hubby and I managed. We were quite literally raising a ball of fire. Nobody seemed to know what to do with him. He would cry and kick and scream all day every day. We couldnt do the things that so many families would do without stress. We just got on with it to be honest, we knew him to be no different. Thankfully he now would sleep all night, that was our saving grace. From 7pm every night.....silence!!

Then the vomiting started, with almost every tantrum he would puke at will, adding more and more stress to the situation. I got so so cross with him, that what was made me snap and I was just feeding into the behaviour with my reaction. I just felt like a hopeless, useless mother. I could never understand where I went wrong and why everything was such a struggle all of the time. At this stage he was only 2. Every house we went to I had to leave because of his screaming. Nobody could understand and all hubby and I got was the old Irish "ah sure God love him!!" It drove us nuts. Nobody ever offered to help. In fact looking back we were corrected for how we dealt with his behaviour and that hurt as we were just doing our best.

One day things were so bad I just dropped him to my mothers and went into the playschool where my eldest had gone and I literally begged the teacher there to take him for a day and see if mixing with peers would help. She was very sympathetic and offered me 2 days a week for him. It was exactly what I needed. I think she realised she had taken on a lot as after the first few days she met with me and said "what are we going to do with all this screaming??" I just didnt know what to say.

A developmental check up with the district nurse lead him to speech therapy as he had a good bit of vocabulary but no conversation. The speech therapist foend him to be moderately to severely delayed in his communication. She was the one that raised concerns about his behaviour and immediately referred him to an early intervention psychologist.

September 2008, 4 years after I found out I was pregnant, J had a full psychological assessment that showed that he was in the high risk category for as Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

Hubby and I cried and cried. I am crying writing this as even the memory of that emotional breakthrough day overwhelms me. His report recommended further assessments from speech theraoy, occupational therapy, early intervention andautism services. He was given a full Assessment of Need by the HSE which determined that our boy indeed had a disability.

The Assessment showed the nature of J's disability as follows

• Severe receptive-expressive language delay and delays in other ares of pre-verbal skills
• J presents with some delay in gross motor, visuo-motor, sensory, social and communication skills
• J presents with difficulties in the following areas : socialisation, communication and sensory and ritualistic/restrictive behaviours. In addition, his psychological assessment has revealed that J is currently under performing in his adaptive behaviour functioning. J is also presenting with significant receptive/expressive language delay

At last we had answers, are hard as they were to swallow. It was devastating! Especially since his service statement gave a date of 2012 before Autism Services can see him. The Irish Health Service is a joke.