This I write after many years of being MIA. I feel I cannot update without first getting this off my chest. Then and only then can I tell you of all we have learned as parents and all that he has become. This is the very post that will open the gates. This is the post I not only have been afraid to write but I just didn't know how to put into words without drowning it and ruining it with way too much emotion. I have agonised over this, I have lost sleep and cried so hard. I feel the emotional tie has now been lifted at last and I am ready.
I want to address something that has been an elephant in the room for a long time, his transfer to a different school.
As sensational as his former school had been, all came to a dramatic standstill in what seemed like over night. I understand wholeheartedly the guidelines when it comes to a SENO allocating an SNA to a child with additional educational needs. As a special needs assistant myself, I totally understand that I need to work myself out of a job. In other words, don't try to disable a child even further but work towards creating an environment where they can do as much for themselves as possible. We simply cannot make a child so dependent that it further inhibits their progression. There is a time when an SNA is a necessity, especially in infant classes after coming from an ASD preschool and then there is a stage when an SNA can indeed be too much and be the ruination of a child. There needs to be a transitional period whereby the SNA stands back and resource hours from a SEN teacher play a bigger roll. A child cannot be expected to just handle having the support of an SNA one year to then having nothing the next especially when the resource hours offered were little or nothing and shared. This unfortunately is what happened to our boy. By the very nature of the diagnostic criteria of an autism spectrum disorder, it is set out very clearly that the individual depends of familiarity, structure and a very definite yet gentle introduction to change and disruption. The attitude we got from the school was put up or shut up.
A pen pusher shaped as a Special Educational Needs Officer that never met my child suddenly deemed him in no need of an SNA.
We chose not to shut up but to ship out. We moved J to a new primary school. I will always be grateful to the fantastic start he got in the first 4 years in his first school. He had an incredible team of teachers and SNAs who put trojan work into him. When I think of how we had to walk away and under the circumstances I actually get quite emotional. So many meetings after hours, putting our heads together about what would be best for him trawling through IEPs.
I had so much hope and he was thriving. Something happened when he reached 3rd class. It all just fell apart after we got the news that he no longer even had access to an SNA. Any resource hours offered were shared, not relevant to his needs and sporadic. Instead of the emotional support, he was just sent in to run around a soft play area or do some exercises. To those who know him, this is fuel to his fire. A total nightmare situation.
I saw a huge change in him emotionally and academically. The meltdowns returned and he started to struggle with friendships. Because he had to be in class all day every day, he struggled to self regulate. There was no definite structure to his day and his new teacher just remained intolerant of his needs as a child on the spectrum. There was no down time offered. Often his breakdowns were interpreted are arrogance, rudeness and bad behaviour. We were fighting a losing battle with him and the school. They just didn't share our passion for him and didn't fight his case and so closed another chapter of his life. His teacher didnt see his behaviour and regression as a cry for help. It was terrifying and so upsetting and a massive change but it was the right thing to do. Day by day he was becoming more and more emotionally scarred and labelled and to this day he still speaks of how he felt. We left and brought his very well settled younger brother with him too. Absolutely heartbreaking. For those who stood with us, you know who you are. We will be forever grateful.
J saying his goodbyes and thank you on his very last day to all who helped to get him so far. A poignant moment full of apprehension and sadness. What a brave boy.
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